Genuine Emotion Versus Mimicry of Emotion
I have found that connecting to and experiencing my emotions is vital to developing a sense of Self and having loving meaningful relationships. In connecting to emotion it’s been important for me to differentiate between what is actual genuine emotion and what is not. The words Genuine Emotion and Mimicry of Emotion make sense to me. Genuine emotion is healthy and essential for healing, growth, and meaningful relationships. Mimicry of emotion is destructive and hurtful.
Anger is an emotion where the difference between genuine anger and a mimicry of anger can be made clear. The key in identifying genuine anger is remembering that anger is an emotion, and there is a clear difference between emotion and behavior. A sense of “I don’t like this” is the best way I have heard anger described. When you feel that sense of “I don’t like this,” that’s anger. We may also feel a warmth or energy in our bodies. That is a full and complete description of the genuine emotion of anger.
In our culture, we call many behaviors anger. When we see someone yelling, belittling someone, throwing things, or worse, we say “they’re angry.” We may even say, “They have an anger problem.” All of these things are behaviors, not emotion. It is all bad behavior. An accurate description would be, that person has bad behavior, or that person has a bad behavior problem. If we spoke accurately we would say we send people to bad behavior management rather than anger management. Truly, I cannot accurately identify how someone is feeling when they are acting badly. They may feel threatened, terrified, hurt, grieving, powerful, jealous, or any number of emotions.
When I can be clear that anger is an emotion, not a behavior, then I can start to realize what genuine anger is. My genuine anger can be a powerful moral compass that is empowering. It is powerful when I can clearly identify, “I don’t like that.” It is also empowering when I can speak up and say I don’t like something without acting badly. It now becomes clear that bad behavior is a disempowering mimicry of anger. Bad behavior is destructive and muddies any moral clarity we may have had; whereas, genuine anger gives us moral clarity and is empowering.
This concept of genuine emotion being different from a mimicry of emotion can be applied to all emotions. Guilt is another emotion where the difference can be clear. We feel genuine guilt in our bodies and it often motivates us to change our behavior in order to be who we really want to be. When we feel genuine guilt we feel uncomfortable and realize what we just did does not represent who we really are. A mimicry of guilt beats us up and says things like, “I am a bad person.” If I am a bad person, then there’s really not much I can do about that. This provides no motivation or energy for change, and this actually lets me off the hook of having to do anything. I can wallow in a mimicry of guilt, but genuine guilt motivates me to change and be who I know I really am. Making the differentiation between genuine emotion and a mimicry of emotion and then embracing genuine emotion is difficult and hard work at times. Yet, it is the work I have found necessary to develop a sense of Self and healthy relationships, which I find is essential for having a life that feels worth living.